Hola Sisters and
Brothers, HAAMIAME here (and you thought I was gone) with this years
prediction wrap up and some offerings for Nuevo Ano!
First I must
pause to remember the good Dr. Iroseli who made this world a better place to
work and play. I will miss you sir. I would also like to thank Steve and his
group of misfits for the hard work and dedication they provide. Have a cold
one guys!
What a
year…Martha does hard time; Kobe doesn’t; Scott Peterson got what he
deserved; Conan got the tonight show; and Rodney got respect. Boston won the
series; and hockey fans lost a season. Ben left Jen and Barbie left Ken;
Howard Dean screamed and Ashlee Simpson lip-synched. And how interesting is
it that we began the year with Janet’s Boob fanning a firestorm of morality,
giving us nothing better to do than worry that the country was slipping into
decadence. Now here at year’s end we experience a tragedy of epic
proportions in Asia with the unimaginable loss of Humanity. It kind of makes
you rethink that whole boob thing doesn’t it?
Now, on to last
year’s predictions.
FSR GETS HUGE –
with the most hits in the history of the site it’s easy to see FSR has
grown. Keep hitting those banner ads folks!
BUSH WINS – no
surprise to a lot of us, Clarke you were correct on the voter turn out, good
job man.
CASTRO DIES –
hey, if that little slip was just a few inches to the right. Well I was
close anyway.
CALIF. BEGINS
PROCESS TO OPEN BORDERS – you be the judge, alien driver’s licenses, amnesty
work programs, no border sweeps. Me casa is su casa.
HOMELAND
SECURITY CHANGES HOW WE VIEW FOOD – The food safety act of 2004, FDA issues
record keeping for food chain. Need I say more?
BOOMERS GET BACK
TO WORK – no surprise here either. Americans are working more than ever and
boomers have rebounded to take the places left vacant from no knowledge
college kids.
GROCERY UNIONS
FACE EXTINCTION – time will tell, but they sure were cut down here in
California. Watch out east coasters, you’re next.
AMERICANS START
LOOSING WEIGHT – I said it first, super size is gone. A low carb diet was
all that and more this year. Gastro bypass is the new Atkins.
GAY IS HERE TO
STAY – marriage licenses, openly admitting lifestyles from State Governors,
major support from national companies. How sweet it is.
AIRLINES WILL
MERGE – well we didn’t get Virgin Hooters but if last weekend was any
indication American will be looking for someone soon.
Okay so that is
seven out of ten, pretty good I would say so this time I am going way out on
a limb. Let’s see if HAAMIAME has what it takes to hit the taco on the head.
And with that here are my predictions for 2005.
Arnold runs
and wins a second term, opening the door to his selection as Rudy
Giuliani’s Vice Presidential running mate in 2008.
Wal-Mart wins
government approval to go into the banking business. They shock the
financial industry when after opening branches in all of their stores,
they create the first “self-serve” online loan company. The no brainer
contract underwritten by Wal-Mart themselves is such a success it is
responsible for almost eliminating the need for loan officers.
The Catholic
Church is rocked by another scandal when it is discovered that there is an
Aids epidemic within the Vatican.
The first
Human clone is manufactured amidst protests from religious groups and
fundamentalists who fear this to be the child of Satan.
A major
amusement park will experience their worst nightmare when a high speed
looping roller coaster leaves its track and dozens are killed. This will
prompt all such rides to be closed until a study to determine their safety
is concluded.
Scientists
discover that eating one kiwi fruit a day grows hair.
Cross
marketing blends with mergers when national companies start getting
together. Expect to see the likes of Home Depot and True Value selling
coffee and tires. Grocery chains jump on the trend and begin stocking
major appliances.
A Southern
California company hits on an idea to help burned out commuters by
offering the first “work and ride” limo service. For a monthly fee you and
twenty others are driven door to door in comfort and with less stress
while connected via satellite to your office.
Reality shows
take a brand new turn when bloggers get together and form their own
network offering real time communications and taking on the “old media”
giants. History is made when a major network nighttime news show is proven
to be incorrect by the blog during their own broadcast.
Cell phone
companies begin offering a subscriber service that allows you to combine
your utilities into one plan which you can pay for with your phone bill.
The plan is successful because the combined buying power of subscribers
creates the largest co-op of energy users to date, and can deal in volume
with energy suppliers.
Well that’s it
amigos, go out and have a great year and we will see you all again in the
next taco.
HAAMIAME
“That’s just my opinion”
October 26, 2004
I’m Baaaaaaaack! With a few thoughts from my brains!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Just what the hecks is happening here? HAAMIAME goes away for a few months
of rest, and what do I come back to? Has this become the official Sysco
website? You would think so with so many posts all talking smack about the
cube. Man nothing has changed; you guys are just as bad as ever. No one has
anything good to say, all just a bunch of complainers…..excellent! Keep up
the good work!
So, as I was
saying….there I was visiting old friends down in the keys. Man if you have
not experienced the ways of the Cuban women, the food the music! Well all I
can say is, man that is living, that is until hurricane season hits. And I
do mean hits. Now don’t get me wrong, people there are very aware of what
happens every year…like clockwork…guaranteed….no doubt…..positively….you can
bet on it…. Storms, that on a good day might only level a trailer park, No
offence Clark, just being honest. Wind that can tear the skin off a dog.
Your lips feel like leather, you cajones are so cold you don’t dare pee
without a heater nearby. All of this before the rain starts! Let me tell
you, rain from hell. Drops of water hitting your mustache so hard it brings
back memories of high school….I guess you had to be there…but I digress.
THEN the real downpour starts. Roof tops are ripped off of buildings. Glass
is breaking; trees are bending to the ground. Crap is flying through the air
like a big waste basket was dumped from the sky. If you can imagine what it
would be like to be in a great big blender, all filled up with margarita mix
and tequila, crushed ice all around you. Then the bartender hits the liquefy
button….OH MY GOD! Remember that scene in Twister when the cow flies through
the air? Well it’s just like that except in Florida it’s coconuts and fish.
Yeah fish, I swear they get sucked up from the gulf and the tip. You could
get killed from a flying tuna. Anyway it has been a nice few months off and
now I am back to the good old Southern California sunshine. You know we just
don’t understand and appreciate how good we have it here. No hurricanes,
snow, or heating oil shortages. Yeah we have a couple little annoying
things, highest crime rate in the nation, highest cost of living, lowest
school grades, drive-by’s, worst traffic in the world…oh yeah and 80,000
illegal aliens crossing the border every day. But Godammit it’s still Cal-E-fornia!
The election is
getting closer each and every day. President Bush is learning how to smile
on television and John Kerry is learning how to keep his wife’s mouth shut.
I say let Terrezzzza talk. The woman is a walking comic strip. Can you
imaging the country with her as first lady? I can see it now man….first
thing on her agenda would be to give every American family one live in
servant and a case of ketchup. “Oh
Darling please….those people need to work as much as anybody else”.
And lunch at the white house could be an international affair…..Terrezzzza;
Arianna Huffington; Leona Helmsley. and Imelda Marcos; what a club!! Maybe
the Kerry’s will give Laura Bush a job teaching the hired help. Well time
will tell us the answer, but for my two cents Terrezzzza will never ketchup
with Laura Bush.
Well I as I was
saying earlier, HAAMIAME has been doing a lot of traveling these past few
months. Most of the travel has been down southern way, from Florida
through
Tennessee and New Orleans Louisiana. Man let me tell you those folks down
there are diff-err-ent than California folks. I understand a bit better now
when I read the
posts from areas like Huntsville, Knoxville. Atlanta and others. Man you
people are fighting for every inch of it. Things move slowly down there.
So slow in fact
at some restaurants I felt like I was being ignored or completely forgotten
about. I learned however that is what they call the way of the south.
Take your time,
you ain’t going anywhere and neither are we. As compared to us here in
California who move with speed of sound. So to all you good old southern
folks at Sysco
and USF, here is a hint, if you want to grow your business just a
little….think about moving faster. And to some of you in particular…..better
lay
the Goo Goo’s
and the Martha White dough.
Has anybody else
noticed the new fashion trend for women? I’ve been in a lot of airports and
major cities lately and am seeing ladies with their jean pants legs
folded up on the
outside. Folded up past their
ankle, half way up their calf. Then they are wearing those real pointy
shoes, like some kind of sadistic leather
needle. What is
that about? And then the pants are those real low in the back kind…or the
wear a thong on the outside
of their pants….what the hell?? They look
like nothing
fits. But hey let me tell you, you better not say anything or ask any
questions, you could wind up with a leather needle in your ass.
Did you see the
film of Castro tripping and falling down last week? Man I thought for a
minute HAAMIAME got another prediction right. Hey I am doing good so
far this year,
but who will know, we still have two months left. I will have a complete
recap and next year’s predictions coming at you soon.
Starting in
October you can no longer “float” a check. Yes boys and girls we will all
have to be good citizens and make sure our checkbooks are all full of money
when we write
that check. Sure….like that’s gonna happen. There are people out there
floating checks to their credit card company to cover last month’s grocery
and rent
payments. Has anyone said what affect this could have on the economy? Even
short term? Most people can’t even BALANCE their checkbook let alone
keep money in
it. Well the good news for me is that now maybe there won’t be so many
folks writhing checks at the grocery store.
One more thing,
if Boston wins the series and the curse of the bambino is finally
broken…..does that mean J-lo will finally find true love at last?
HAAMIAME
“That’s just my opinion”.
June 23, 2004
Inside the salesman's studio
Hola! Hello! to
everyone. Boys and girls; Chickas e Chickos; Lovers and losers; Big spenders
and cheap screws; Leaders and lackeys; Maestros e mamacitas. Whoever you may
be, or better still whoever you choose to be today. Welcome all to the
HAAMIAME show!
Recently I wrote
a column describing the future of retail grocers, well I have to tell you
something....I did not actually travel to the future to research that
article. No, I have been right here all along thinking and wondering, using
my keen senses to formulate the future as I imagine it could be. What I do
kids is called.....acting. Not as the Latin Lover on the silver screen, not
as an action hero, no not even as a big green ogre, but rather as myself, or
at least the self that is required for the moment.
If you go back
and read that column again you will find I do not use my normal rich and
sexy tones. Gone were the witticisms and humor you
have all come to know and love as HAAMIAME. This was done for a reason...to
communicate the feel of the future. I wanted you to feel like you
were there as you read that story. So I wrote it in that context for
expression, for believability, for reading enjoyment. That is how HAAMIAME
was feeling at the time.
Today for a
change of pace, I am feeling particularly ethnic.
Today I want to
use all of my God given talents to express to each of you how you too might
use your talents to improve your salesmanship. Now think about it amigos,
there you are sitting outside in the waiting room of the customer you want
to see. You are waiting for him....WHY? Let me tell you one thing right now,
if you had something he wanted, something that would save the man some
money, better still something that would make him money....you my friend
would not be in the waiting room! Let me give you an example.
You are with
some of your friends at a club. You are joking, drinking, having a good
time. You are talking amongst yourselves about who is the best ladies man,
who is the best seducer, when all of a sudden in walks a beautiful woman.
She sits at the bar and orders a martini. She looks around the room,
breathing in the atmosphere of the people. You tell each other that any one
of you could have her in an instant. The B.S. if flying around until one of
you guys dares the other to make his move. The first brave hombre' walks
over to this woman and lays this line on her...."Your name must be Visa,
because your body is everywhere I want to be". When she stops laughing she
tells Mr. Testosterone to find a life. So much for the I'm too sexy move.
Okay, so the next guy is ready to try his luck and he walks up to her and
tries his line..."Is that a ladder in your stocking, or the stairway to
Heaven"? (You know, I was justthinking, how does a guy go
through his whole life with lines like that? Anyway back to the story.) I
watch as the beauty pushes her hand against his face and shoves him off.
Sorry Jefe' no good.
I could go on
and on's from here giving you more of these great pick up lines but you get
the idea. These guys weren't offering her anything she wanted. They were
offering her what they thought she wanted. That is why they are
still in the waiting room. Now I will share with you the way a true salesman
would to it. The way a master would do it. The way HAAMIAME would do it.
As I sit and
watch these boys make their efforts I am also watching the beauty. The way
she turns her glass in her hands, the subtle way she raises the corner of
her mouth as she takes a sip. Her body
language is hot, steamy, muy caliente'! I read all these clues from across
the room, what does this woman wish for? What is she thinking? How does she
want to be approached? I watch her run her fingers through her hair pausing
for just a moment before letting it fall over her shoulders, I am beginning
to feel her. She is flirting with the bartender, perhaps just to
make the small talk, or...something else, something deeper, something
passionate. I have it! I am ready to make my move.
I stand up from
my chair without straitening my jacket, without pulling up on my pants. My
only move is to begin walking her way. My eyes never leave her, nothing
distracts from her. I gently ease up to her as if she was the only person in
the room and I softly say this to her....."I have been watching you from
across the floor and there is something I must tell you". As she turns I say
"What I have to tell you I can only say in a whisper...lean toward me". As
she leans in, she is on fire with curiosity. I tilt my head only enough to
brush my lips near the top of her neck as I move across toward her ear. My
warm breath has passed along from her neck to behind her ear and now I am
resting my lips on the edge of her earlobe...... "I sense the true beauty
lies within, take me to her". At that moment she is mine. Now I follow up by
gently taking her hand in mine, I softly kiss her fingertips, my eyes never
leaving hers. She immediately knows that I understand she yearns for someone
to touch her soul. It is only from discretion that I do not continue telling
of our night together.
Here is the
thing, I learn from watching, observing if you will, what did not work for
the others. Each man tried what he thought would work based only on what he
had done before. This was not the case with the beauty, she required
something new...something different. This is what I am saying. Look, watch,
observe, find what is missing. Your customer will not tell you, he may not
even know it himself. That is where your instincts must play the part...you
must become an actor. Keep looking and remember whatever it is it will be
different for each customer. Some might want a produce expert, some might
want a small wares expert, some might just want to hear a joke, you know
man, whatever it takes to be something special to your guy.
This takes
practice and patience...do not give up. Some of you will never understand
what it is I am saying, yet some will get it right away and begin seducing
the beauty. Do not worry about what others think, it does not matter, be
yourself and go get the business. If you find you are in a tough spot just
ask yourself....What would HAAMIAME do?? I will tell you it is all about
confidence man.
Now I must get
back to the beauty....by the way I must have done an exceptional selling job
that night, we have been together now for 25 years!!
HAAMIAME
"That's just
my opinion"
May 13, 2004
Thank you
Clarke for the accolades...very humbling
and surprising. Rarely have I been publicly praised to that level. You have
inspired me to continue and hopefully offer even more interesting columns in
the future. Let us hope that the future I describe is as bad as it gets.
Once again,
Thanks.
HAAMIAME
P.S. - FSR
readers, please continue to support this site...that means send $$ amigos.
Steve has never asked HAAMIAME to make such a request, I do it on my own. We
need this place more than you realize, FSR takes over where industry
magazines end. The real truths come out here and is read by many. This voice
cannot be silenced.
personal note:
None of our columnists make a penny off this site...and anyone
who thinks it's easy to write a regular column should contact me to try it.
Haamiame is not only doing this free of charge, but he made an incredibly
generous donation to the site to help keep it going. I really hate to
have to ever mention money relative to the site, but as our readership grows,
and particularly as we offer more video and audio selections, our bandwidth
consumption grows. It seems as though I'm putting $200-$250 for "excess
bandwidth" on my credit card on all too regular a basis. I make under
$35K a year teaching...it's unfortunately necessary that this site pays its
own way. Steve
May 9, 2004
Retail Grocers of the Future
Bienviendos!
Hola to my foodservice secret shoppers! Today I would like for us to explore
life at the grocery store of the future. How will we shop, what could be
different........ twenty five years from now?
First some background
The year is 2029
our nations population has swelled to over 900 millions, with half of them
coming from our newest and largest state, Texaco. No not the gas company,
but a combination of Texas and the country of Mexico. Then after Mexican
president Edward James Almos sold the country in 2025 to the largest company
in America, ConAgra, they in turn donated the land to the USA in exchange
for complete control of all food and foodservices within the boundaries of
the new state of Texaco. The president of the United States...Ashton Kusher
and First Lady/Vice President Demi Moore promoted the deal by guaranteeing
the rest of the nation availability to environmentally safe foods which are
factory tested and cleared for consumption. This was a major step in
cleaning up the national food supply and viewed as a turning point
for America. With Texaco on their own it was now safe to get the rest of the
country back on track.
Change comes slowly
As news of the
deal spread across the land grocers began adjusting for the new regulations.
Jane Q. Shopper could expect a few short term changes but nothing drastic.
Still available would be a full line of irradiated meats and dairy products
as well as organic and steriated produce. Paper goods will still require a
recycle release to purchase but will remain plentiful. Gone however are the
clone vegetables and dairy products. Gone are the nutritionally void air
foods which were killing our old folks. No longer would the unsafe measures
of the past generations be allowed to continue polluting our bodies.
Shopping for the
family foodstuffs is fairly easy today most would agree. Over the years
Americans have come to accept the fact that we are constantly being
evaluated. Back in the early part of this century with the creation of the
Department of Homeland Security we have lived in a watchdog society. Ever
since the 29th amendment making it legal to trace all purchases through
debit and credit card transactions, we as a nation are checking it off as
the cost of doing business. We completely understand now that this
information is needed in order to monitor for all types of health and
terrorist concerns and even more effective in dealing with crime. The
relationship to low grade alcohol purchases and armed robbery alone was
astounding.
Probably the
most upsetting change was in the amount of protein products we are allowed
to purchase. No longer could we just go to the store and grab ten steaks for
a BBQ. All purchase quantities are tracked and if you exceed your timed
allotment, well, sorry too bad. This was done, we are told to limit the
amount of proteins in circulation at any given time. A bitter pill to
swallow yes, but after the great ecoli breakout of 2013 when over one
million Americans died this safety measure is widely excepted. Still even
protesters would agree that change is happening slowly enough for public
acceptance to take hold.
What are we really eating
Perhaps not only
what we are eating but why. Today's consumer has more to think about than
simply the age old question of "what's for dinner" ? Today we have
incentives for purchasing a particular brand. For instance, if you buy
enough Cheese Wiz you can earn points for a free ticket to a sporting event.
If you buy enough of the right dairy items you could receive movie tickets.
These types of gimmicks are a throwback to the coupons of the 1990's but
things really changed when doctors and insurance companies became involved.
Healthy Choice brands pioneered the concept of reduced health insurance
premiums through accumulated purchases of their products. The American
Dental Association offers discounts for purchases of their approved
products. Today you can even get your utility bill paid by purchasing low
cook low energy meal products.
Flavored items
are everywhere today. Would you like chocolate eggs? Jalapeno turkey
breasts? Champagne flavored yellow squash? The limit is only your
imagination, if you can dream it you can have it. Most all fresh products
are sold in a "neutral" state, making it possible for the consumer to take
the product home and customize it to their taste. Kitchen appliances of
today are more like culinary computers able to take voice commands to cook
or bake anything you can imagine. A favorite of little kids is the "suicide
potato" which really helped in promoting vegetables in the under ten crowd.
Those of us not particular of what we eat may also subscribe to
test programs which provide all meals in exchange for complete body
monitoring.
Organic and
natural foods while still available have given way to designer food groups.
People in need of a particular diet or medication for instance can simply
request their doctors office to prescribe the desired group. This
information is digested directly into your home refrigerator which tracks
your consumption and produces a recommended to purchase list. This list can
be sent directly to the grocer or can be modified manually. When you arrive
your order is ready for you. Your bio-toilet reads your waste and can also
make adjustments to your diet as needed.
Not all foods
are as bland and generic as one might think. In fact a very popular form of
eating is the "Past Delicacies Program". Customers can choose from any
animal or vegetable in history, regardless of extinction. Craving a
brontosaurus burger? How about a saber-tooth tiger steak? No problem, with
genetic altering anything can be duplicated. Eat like the kings and queens
of centuries gone by anytime you wish. Drink wines from the valleys of Egypt
or eat grapes from Babylon, your local grocer has it all!
"Normal" life and the way food effects it
It can be said
that the way we eat today is nothing like years gone by. Today how you eat,
what you eat, how much you eat, are all tracked. Not for the manufactures as
much as the insurance companies and the government. As Americans grew
increasingly fatter at the end of the past century, lawsuits were developing
faster than a drive thru on a busy corner. Major food companies were sent to
bankruptcy with class action lawsuits claiming health risks associated with
eating manufactured goods. The government had to step in when manufacturing
companies were close to outright extinction or had merged to the point of
having far too much control. It was at this time the specialty food makers
really got started.
These boutique
companies developed into what we have today known simply as "dine on demand"
eating. A common practice for the cutting edge crowd is to dine at a
restaurant of your choice and if you enjoyed the food, you could request the
recipe and have your grocer locate and stock the ingredients for your next
shopping trip. Another normal function today is to take inventory of your
home refrigerator anytime from your hand held device. With the advent of
RFID "radio frequency identification device" all items are tagged and
scanned as they go in and out of your home refrigerator door. You can get a
quick look at what you need to purchase anytime anywhere.
So much more
There are so
many more things to talk about in the future of grocery stores. We haven't
even mentioned how foodservice has worked their brands onto the shelves of
consumers or how shopping carts today can read your purchases before you
complete your check out. And wow has the checkout changed! Where are the
clerks? Now everything is self service, no more checkers. Yes things have
changed, but one thing still remains, people have to eat. And as long as
that continues this group of misfits in foodservice should always have a
place.
HAAMIAME
"That's just
my opinion"
April 4, 2004
"Ooh it makes me wonder"
Hola to all of
my foodservice pugnacious pugilists! We all seem to be doing so much
fighting and bickering these days, myself included, and this makes me
wonder. This is why I am going to throw down the hatchet and be making
attempts to heal our differences. This would not be the first time HAAMIAME
has said I do not like to talk about politics, in fact I have said we should
be talking more about food here.
Anyway....so why
do we fight? Is it the human desire to be right? To be king of the hills? To
prove our point? Could be all of the above no? Some folks think being
correct makes people believe you are smart and smart equals
leadership....leadership equals power. Powerful people are looked up
to...so could it be said winning an argument makes you a leader? I do not
think so.
We fight and
argue for common reasons, politics; race; religion; money and who knows what
else. Is much of this the reason caused from our up bringing? Consider how
you were told to believe something as a child, then you go through your
whole life thinking it is correct. When you are challenged later in life
your brain tells you to fight. That is because if you are wrong then you
have been wrong your whole life. You start to think you have been weak and
you must defend your stand on the ground. Protect what you believe in.....am
I right?
So now we have
pushed each other so far it caused a whole new section to FSR
called...politics. The opinions spread there are as far apart as U.S.
Foodservice shareholders and their money. This is a good example of how many
different people read this site. I wonder how many of us are doing business
together without knowing the others true thoughts? We are hiding behind the
donkey when we write in with our two cents but then we go out and work with
the same people we argue with here. Would you argue with the same passion to
the persons face? How about a customer? When we even think the person has a
different opinion from ours do we somehow inflict our two cents where we
can? From the posts seen here I think we must all have done it sometime.
Fighting and arguing are the humans nature, what then can we do to control
ourselves? It makes me wonder.
"Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings"
I would like to
'splain to the new readers here that from the beginning HAAMIAME has said
mine would be a fun and hopefully amusing column. Also said was my spelling
is not all too good and my language is often stretches to find the right
word. So to those peoples who want me to clean up my posts I will try but no
guarantees amigos.
You have read my
words with my humor worked in, (sometimes it's just funny to me) and you
have read my sarcasm. Let me tell you now this has always been in fun and
jest. If you believe everything you read man then I have some land for sale
real cheap. So to the few who have replied to my posts let me say....cool
down. I am a lover not a fighter. You need to understand the whole
story....sometimes words have two meanings. This
is what I will do.....I will try very very hard to be clear in my opinion. I
will make the effort to have my say without burning the tortilla. And to
start with the new and improved HAAMIAME will respond to Mr. Clarke W.
Griswald.
"A spring clean for the May Queen"
Clarke, as you
requested I will begin to address you correctly. I do however think the
other way was a hoot. So okay El Wapo you want some questions answered. I
will take off my hat, twist my mustache, slick back my hair and begin.
Wait....not
yet...let me first say I really want to clean the table this time. I will be
okay to go on and on with you right here about the things doing with our
line of work and we could throw in just a smudge of politics if you want,
and I will try to hold back my spicy tongue....okay?....okay.
Your picture
and the trailer park.
Really Clarke,
you have to agree that is not the best look for a person. No shirt, double
earrings, puca shell necklace, you scream trailer. Not to mention the
reflection from the camera causes light to reflect out past and through the
window revealing the trailer next door. You do have to look very close and
it can barely be seen, but still that is what appears to be there.
Are you
waiting for the next handout?
No sir Clarke
not saying that at all. I said there are also a few waiting for
handouts, that was all. Not everyone living in a trailer park is waiting for
handouts, simply saying there is a higher concentration of recipients.
Is Freedom
bad?
Hell no amigo
!! Freedom has been the backbone for every sane country in history. We must
defend freedom with our lives and that is no joke. What I did say was that
at some point whoever runs the country, be it organized party government or
grass roots start ups eventually some type of order will be established.
Remember Tom Hayden and the SDS? They thought it would be simple, then they
started getting media coverage and giving interviews....it got real crazy
real fast. All I am saying is people in power will at some point be forced
to conform for the masses. That is what I see happening now. I will
definitely agree with you on this Dick Clark thing, and the comparison you
gave to old Hollywood was brilliant man, good job.
"To be a rock and not to Roll"
And finally
Clarke, here I have pasted quotes from the people themselves to put into bed
the contest over semantics and album notes. We both have agreed to move on
from here. I for one am ready for a cold chi chi and a cigar.
This interview took place in 1999, by Phil
Anderson for KAOS2000 magazine. David Pack from Ambrosia explains how Kurt
Vonnegut came to be listed as a co-writer. Listed more as a courtesy to
avoid plagiarizing him rather than KV actually writing a song for the band.
K2K: The song "Nice, Nice, Very Nice" is about what?
A: Well, it's from the book "Cat's Cradle" by
Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. Joe was reading the book "Cat's Cradle" and we're stuck
on a song which was titled "Paradoxical Situations In D". We didn't have any
good lyrics. Joe read this poem from the "Cat's Cradle" book and we loved
it, so we wrote the song around it, recorded it and then we asked Kurt
Vonnegut's permission. He loved it. If you pick up the new Anthology CD, one
whole page in the CD is dedicated to a letter than Kurt Vonnegut wrote to us
back in 1976 and how proud he was to have co-written a song that went to
Number 10 in New York.
Clarke this shows where Roger Waters worked in a Vonnegut style not
actually with him. I might be a little off on this however KV did have some
connection.
"It is a concept album; a nicely done
dark-humor look at the end of the world and the alien anthropologists who will
discover our ruins in a few billion years. Anyway, besides a serious
similarity to Cat's Cradle in style and mood, there are some lyrical
similarities to other Vonnegut works, especially Galapagos.
Some lyrics from the song "Watching TV:"
"She is different from the dodo and from the Kankabono."
The title track features lyrics about
questions asked by "the bartender" and "the captain." I haven't read Galapagos
in a while, but, if I remember right, the bartender and the ships captain were
brothers and principle characters in that book.
In the song "3 Wishes," Waters sings "I
wish someone would help me write this song." If that isn't a Vonnegut-esque
lyric, I don't know what is."
The album begins and ends with sections
of a recorded interview with a World War I veteran, Al Frazzel who recounts
his attempted, but failed, rescue of a fellow soldier, Bill Hubbard. The album
features a song called "What God Wants" in three parts. The lyrics to that
song are very, very Vonnegut-esque. He lists off things on the planet like
war, poverty, TV, politics, insurance, giraffes, etc. It just sounds like a
Bokononist calypso.
Alex Kauffman adds: "The remainder of
the album detailed the power of technology over individuals, and gives an
accurate description of the Persian Gulf War as being a video game. Very
Vonnegut indeed."
In addition, Alex writes: "Also with
Waters, his first solo album, "The Pros and Cons of Hitchiking" always
reminded me a little of BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS. The album is a dream in which
the narrator, Waters, hitchhikes across a nightmarish landscape, seeing the
destruction of the land and of the peoples' souls, and possibly his own.."
Alrighty then, I hope we have made some progress and remember, as we wind on
down the road our shadows taller than our soul (what the hell does that mean)
Oh maybe it is that as we write our own legacy our memory remains even greater
than what inspired us in the beginning. Now HAAMIAME is sounding very Kurt
Vonnegut.
HAAMIAME
"That's
just my opinion"
March 12,2004
Haamiame
House Cleaning
Hola' Boys and
Girls !! So much is already happening this year I better stop the taco cart
and just catch up. It has been too much talk between ClarkE and HAAMIAME
lately and I hate to bore you but I do want to respond to the guy. I will
get my house cleaned first and save my mind for ClarkE to the last in line
here. So for the ease of reading (kinda like you ClarkE) I will put my
thoughts into....how do you say.....bullet punts.
Southern Pride - Good note man. I am happy to
see you folks from the lower states can be aware of politics. It makes us
regular people proud to know you. You sure have taken that Joe "let's shut 'em
down" Friday to task with your quick wit and commentary on Bush vs.. Kerry.
Hey Southern, does possum really taste like chicken? And your knowledge of
the Vietnam war is mui especial'. Tell me Southern, what do you think, all
those good 'ol boys who fought in Nam came back loving our Government? I
will say you are probably right about Bush's service though. Since when it
doesn't count to serve drinks in the officers club as doing your duty? I
gotta tell you Southern, I can't wait to see what you're a fixin' to come up
with next. Oh, buy the way, you do realize the flag you wave is not a
Confederate flag...you do know that....right....Southern....you do....don't
you man?
Joe Friday - Man take a nap. You remind me of
the picketers in Southern Cali dude. All about somebody else taking care of
you. Union this and union that....union....union.....union. You know what
U.N.I.O.N. stands for Fryman? Unbending Narrow-minded Individuals Orating
Nonsense. They got what they asked for. Too bad so sad. And Joe no offence
man but your ideas are about 50 years too late. Today the Y generation is
working on technology to replace those low end jobs. Catch up Joe the world
is moving.
Wal-Mart - Hey you know what? They're coming
and that's it. Get over it man. And you know who is gonna work there?? Yup,
the same grocery workers who tried to stop them. Funny how that will work
out. Wal-Mart isn't going to hurt little towns in the long run anyway,
remember Zody's...Gemco...FedCo...Big A...and now Target...Costco?? Where
was all the screaming when Home Depot had an erection on every street corner
in America? Everybody worries their life away. Go make yourselves useful.
Prediction update - Go Haamie!! Go Haamie!!
I don't want to sound like I'm bragging but what the hell, I will anyway.
Let's see...
FSR gets
huge.....over a million hits already.
America gets
slimmer....Mickey D's shrinks sizes, Atkins is everywhere. Food pyramid
increases green veggies by 300 %.
Gay is here to
stay....States approving same sex marriages across the country.
Grocery
Strike....They stopped, they walked, they lost in the talks.
"I'm too
sexy for my shirt......too sexy for my shirt"
Hot Hits - Okay now I will tell you some of my
random thoughts.
To Case Thrower:
Dude how can you be a produce inspector and not have a clue about produce?
Brand loyalty:
What the hell is going on with Smuckers?
New CEO's: New
leadership at Wal-Mart with a new position of "VP of Global Procurement" -
what a country!
David Murdock new COO at Dole - talk about tail wagging
the dog.
Fernando Aquirre new CEO at Chiquita - wonder how he
feels about NAFTA?
Real Rumors -
Can we start talking about food here again? People, that is what
we are all about. Let's here about all those F&B Managers on the take. All
those purchasing managers on the take. All those division presidents on the
take. You know the dirt... spit it out.
Question: Are
appetizers the incubator for new eating trends?
Question: Can a
fourteen year old kid make a voting decision?
Question: Do we
really care if there was water on Mars?
Just a little
wake up call there El Wapo, I will now respond to your list of questions,
but for the last time. From now on what do you say we join hands for the
betterment of man and stress the importance of upholding our constitutional
rights? Wouldn't that be fun? We could take one line every week and 'splain
to the readers what they mean. That way we could hit a million people weekly
and correct their collective thinking to the right way of thinking. Progress
be Dammed! The Founding Fathers were right for their time AND ours...period.
Anybody who thinks otherwise should be taken out and hung in the street by a
vigilante!
Q. What methods
did I use to determine you live in a trailer?
A. Have you
looked at you picture?
Q. Is that my
vision of how someone living in a trailer thinks?
A. For the most
part, yes. But there are also a few low lifes waiting for the next
Government program.
Q. Am I
prejudiced against trailer people?
A. No. I am
predijudiced against people wanting something for nothing.
Q. Do I consider
Freedom preservationists as control freaks?
A. Yes. All
movements in history have begun as grass roots and built into a bureaucracy
at some point.
Q. Did our
founding fathers want a Democracy?
A. "We of the
United States are constitutionally and conscientiously democrats."
Thomas
Jefferson to Pierre Samuel Dupont de Nemours 1816 in describing his vision
for the Nation.
Okay ClarkE now
be done with it, I will say it again man, I agree with a lot of your
"ideals", keep 'em. My protest is in your thinking that we are loosing all
of our freedoms, come on dude how can you say that? We are free to marry who
we choose....until the Bush amendment passes. We are free to listen to what
we want on radio....as long as it's not Howard Stearn. We are free to watch
what we want on television....as long as it's not a loose boob. We are free
to conduct experiments....as long as it's not stem cell research. See ClarkE
the list goes on and on....plenty of freedoms. We are still living
in the best Country in the world man.
One last thing
El Wapo.....Kurt Vonnegut didn't actually help write that song. He did
however send a note to the boys in the band which read "Music is the only
art worth a Damn, I envy you guys". Kurt was often quoted and used as a muse
in many a rock song, and yes he was involved with Rodger Waters and Pink
Floyd. Glad to see you knew that ClarkE. Have you ever listened to Dark Side of the Moon while
watching The Wizard of OZ?
HAAMIAME
"That's just
my opinion"
February 12, 2004
"The gloves are
off.....and so are the Huaraches!"
Well well well,
ClarkE is Haamiame beginning to get to you? Are you finding yourself
suddenly defending your ideals? Has the trailer park lost it's glamour
ClarkE? Hey man you need to relax, get on your bicycle and ride up to Stop
N' Shop, buy a pack of GPC's, a lottery ticket and a Yoo-Hoo. When you get
back to the doublewide kick back in the Lazy boy and finish reading the
Weekly World News. Now, don't you feel better man? Sure you do ClarkE. So
now I will go very slowly and splain to you...again...how I Haamiame agree
with a lot of what you say man. (Oh, by the way ClarkE, check your system I
think your Caps Lock is broken). Oh Yeah, another thing about computers. You
say it takes you no time to word count because the system does that for you?
WOW! You must have a good system. A few columns back you were able to count
54.36% of my post as negative, can your computer determine meaning of
content? See ClarkE, I can say something nice.
You know ClarkE
from the start I wanted all things to make sense, so we'd be happy instead
of tense. But you have chosen a righteous path for yourself. You are a one
minded, blinders on, hard preaching, matter of fact, all consumed, brain
washed follower of the ultra right wing Government over throwers hiding
behind the guise of "Let's get our Freedoms back" rhetoric preached by
every militant wac-ko group in our Country's history. You and the sleeping
drunkards up in Central Park are no different than a lion hunter in the
jungle dark. Yet so many people do not want the same device.
ClarkE you
challenged me to name my local Senators or Congressmen, and boasted that I
have never contacted any of them. Well ClarkE my friend again you are wrong.
Haamiame has held elected office in more than one town and has always been
into local issues, and not just in this country. I hesitate to let you and
the readers here at the flagship FSR site know my exact location by naming
Congressman but I can say I voiced opinion to push the widening of a major
highway into Las Vegas from Southern California. And I continue to work with
public officials on the traffic issues in the state. Yes ClarkE I vote too.
I voted for Regan, twice. He was a great President for many reasons, none
of what you would consider good for the Country. Hey, wasn't that around the
time you were a member of the liberal left? A card carrying flag burner?
Totally against our Government? OKAY! Sorry to digress. People are allowed
to make mistakes in their youth. Billy the Kid retired as a farmer, and
ClarkE you can too.
Predictions? I
stand with mine on Bush and illegal aliens in So Cal. Why? Because he could
just as easily dropped the issue, but did not. Of course he can't make it
happen alone, no easier than he could make a War happen alone. No wait that
was a poor example. No easier than he could make Enron or Halliburton go
away by himself...crap those aren't good either. Anyway now Gov. Arnold is
re-thinking illegal drivers licenses, what no Bush influence here? ClakrE,
come on dude it's gonna be Mexifornia!! And another thing on my
predictions.....I missed the J-Lo and Beniffer marriage dissolve by less
than one week. So I am adding that to my score from last year. Keep an eye
on the grocery store strike for my next true prediction.
So now we get to
the carnitas and beans of the day. LOGIC. (I spent some quality time away
from my grandkids for this ClarkE so pay attention). LOGIC as defined by
Webster is "a science of reasoning". PREVAIL as defined by Webster is "to be
victorious or gain mastery" So ClarkE I think you must be "VICTORIOUS
REASON"! Hey man, my wife shops there. OR are you a "SCIENCE MASTER"? Could
be anything I guess, so I will use your own description of yourself.
VIGILANTE as defined by Webster is "a member of a self appointed group
maintaining order" According to you we should all fit together in the same
machine. By that Logic ClarkE, if everyone took back control of our
Government than who would be in charge? Which vigilante group would call the
shots? Who would it be..Chinese dentists? British Queens? You see we would
be left with something much worse than what we have now. Nothing so nice as
our current system of Democracy that allows us to kick out the bad mens and
keep the good ones.
If I offended
you in any way I am sorry from the bottom of my banana leaf. Again, I agree
that we all should be aware of what is happening in our lives and how major
decisions are made. I also agree we are taxed too much, and we pay for too
many dependant programs. We are all partners like Ginger and Fred dancing to
our own music, so many people, not all the same. ClarkE you must have never
watched Star Trek. In one famous episode Kirk beats Spock in a game of chess
by making a totally illogical move. When Spock concedes defeat he blames it
on his "human genes". Kirk counters with "I did it with my logical
instincts".
So nice, so very
nice.
HAAMIAME
"That's just
my opinion".
HAAMIAME HOT WIRE.......okay ClarkE so now you have made your
prediction that more Democratic voters will turn out in November than ever
before (and you also added your disclaimer to cover your behind). If you are
correct, isn't that what you are preaching for? More voices...more interest?
You will be wrong about the outcome in November...period. Four more years
are in the making for Bush, you will see. Then El Wapo, you will have to put
your gloves back on.
CLICK HERE to email HAAMIAME