SYSCO FRY-ON joins Aspirin, Campho Phenique and WD-40 as the greatest inventions of modern man!

SYSCO Fry-On
Isn't just the BEST LIQUID SHORTENING of 2005:

Thank you Sysco, because of fry on I can now put things where my ex wife tells me to stick them. I love fryon and on and on.

Sysco Fry-On is used by many politicians. It makes them s slippery that they can say just about anything and have it come out just about any way they want to. Members of the US Congress ( both the Upper Chamber – duh Senate and the lower chamber – duh House) have secretly allowed their members to use it for many years. How else can you explain the process where members can …”Revise and Extend…” their remarks… wherein when the good Senator from Massachusetts was able to explain perfectly how that woman’s panties were knocked off by the force of the water hitting the car….

Most people think it was the Bush Administration's handling of the war in Iraq and the economy that cost the Republicans the House and Senate. Thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, it was discovered that the Department of Agriculture and the Department of Energy tried to restrict the amount of corn oil available for Sysco to manufacture FRY-ON. This so enraged the Sysco Board of Directors that they gave millions of dollars to Democratic candidates all over the country. The restrictions on corn oil distribution will be lifted when the Democrats take control of Congress in January. There will be plenty of FRY-ON for everyone.

Looks like the weather forecasters are predicting less than normal snow fall this year. Not to worry we can downhill and cross country ski on FRY-ON.
360

Ohhhhhh Man ! Here we go again - Floyd Landis gets busted for doping. What the good people accusing him of doping don't know is that SYSCO Fry-On is LEGAL ! The man just drank 20 oz. of this delicious treat in his water bottle, and won the Tour de France. SYSCO Fry-On raises your testosterone levels !
     ANON

Another use for Fry-On from the Northeast. Did you know Fry-On makes an excellent rust inhibitor. I know many reps who coat the undercarriage and use it as a car wax.

    With all the steroid scandal surrounding Major League baseball, Barry Bonds has defied all odds. I believe that he did not take steroids; he knows the value of Fry-On to help establish growth. Take a couple shots of SYSCO Fry-On before the game, and you’ll feel like you can conquer the world. Good Job, Barry – but now your secret is out. SYSCO Fry-On – the choice of Major League Baseball.
    Shawn

    Sysco started experimenting with diesel fuel mixed with soybean oil last spring . It has used the clean energy in two of its trucks. The company has been so impressed by the experience that it wants to expand bio-diesel to its delivery trucks in North Carolina, South Carolina and Florida, said Zak Lokken , fleet shop supervisor for Sysco in Suffolk.
    One of biggest surprises, Lokken said, is how the oily texture of soybean fuel has helped improve engine performance. Plus, the company did not have to modify its vehicles at all to start burning bio-diesel, he said.

    Matt Drudge will report on his web site tomorrow that the Brad Pitt/Jennifer Anniston divorce was not caused by horny no talent hottie Angelina Jolie but by Sysco Fry-On. Apparently, Pitt decided that using Extra-Virgin Olive Oil was a smart idea while Anniston wisely chose Sysco Fry-On. What started as a small disagreement between the couple became a full-blown argument and the result was Pitt being banished to the bathtub,then the couch then their split and eventual divorce. Said Anniston, "Brad was out of his mind to think any stinking Extra Virgin Olive Oil was as good as Sysco Fry On. My God, what a douche bag!" Pitt could not be reached for comment but acting pal George Clooney noted "anytime I saw Brad he always had Fry-On with him. I don't know what the problem was with that goofball Anniston - Brad practically swims in Sysco Fry-On. He loves it. He had gallons of it on the set of "Oceans Eleven"."
    Famous 1960's Comedian and star from the successful TV Show "Laugh In" Ruth Buzzi could not be reached for comment.

    Everyone assumes it was massive military spending that imploded the Soviet Union and destroyed Communism. The truth is that the Russians spent zillions of rubles trying to duplicate Fry-On. They ignored the maintenance of ships, tanks, and aircraft while spending everything they had on closing the Shortening Gap. The KGB kidnapped scientists from Frymax, ADM, Cargill and other shortening companies to work on it. They came VERY close in 1988 when they developed FRYSKI-ONSKI, a mixture of potato spirits (diverted from the Stolichnaya factory) and lightweight aircraft lube oil. The only result was that test subjects got very drunk and ran to the bathroom every five minutes.
GOD BLESS SYSCO, FRY-ON AND THE USA

    Americas energy crisis was resolved today when a consortium of automobile manufacturers announced the upcoming
production of the Fredsel - a revolutionary new car powered by FryOn.
    The Fredsel will come equipped with a FryOn powered Satellite Radio and an in-dash deep fat fryer for hot snacks on those long road trips.

    An investigative report on Matt Drudge's website has revealed some interesting things about Sysco Fry-On and it's influence in Hollywood. Now comes word from Hollywood that there are some major stars out there that have had their careers made or broken by Sysco Fry-On.
    One star that has now admitted her entire career was built on claims of using Sysco Fry-On is Marion Ross, star of TV's "Happy Days". In this television series, Ms. Ross starred as Mrs. Cuningham, the delightful "50's" mother who was just a little ahead of her time with her views on dating, race relations and motherhood. Apparently, producers had selected Natalie Schafer (best known for her portrayal of Mrs. Thurston Howell III on "Gilligan's Island") as Mrs. Cunningham when Ross showed up for her audition. Word is that Ross mentioned "Sysco Fry-On" several times during the audition and that Gary Marshall, producer of the show, insisted that Ross get the part. Years later, Marshall would admit the references to Sysco Fry-On were the difference. "Her mentioning Sysco Fry-On to me was like someone mentioning L. Ron Hubbard to Tom Cruise - it immediately clicked". The rest of course is history. Poor Natalie Schafer had to spend the rest of her life being called "Lovey Dear" by a bunch of goofball fans using poorly done Jim Backus accents.
    A sad case of Sysco Fry-On problems involves children's television stars Gumby and Pokey. For years, these two had number one Nielsen television ratings in the all-important Saturday morning cartoon segment. Then reportedly, they were seen at a popular restaurant in Annapolis, Maryland eating French fried potatoes not prepared using Sysco Fry-On. Well, all the tabloids picked up on this and it ended up in Court and Gumby and Pokey were forced to fight for their honor against famous Hollywood Attorneys Alex Neve and Gerry Guz (an attached picture of the fight is courtesy of the Washington Post who had two reporters assigned to the twelve week trial). The end result of the trial was Gumby and Pokey were able to prove they had indeed stated in their contract that only Sysco Fry-On was to be used in their food and that their producer Art Clokey had purchased the bogus French fries.
    Unfortunately, by the time all was cleared up, CBS had cancelled their series and Gumby ad Pokey found themselves out of a job. While they staged a minor comeback in the 1980's, Gumby and Pokey never came back to their high level of popularity - due in part to the Sysco Fry-On rumor. Now retired, Gumby and Pokey both live in San Francisco, California. They both have refused numerous interviews on the subject but insist they both still use and endorse the use of Sysco Fry-On.
    Next time - Orson Welles, Sysco Fry-On and "Rosebud"
    Sysco Fry-On - shaping our entertainment wants and needs for over fifty years!

Coming soon "FRY-ON the Movie" details in a couple of days as soon as contracts are signed.
Big City Boi

I have it on good authority that the Vatican is going to commission Houston to make available a global amount of this product to be used for the official “Anointing Oil” to be used at the Vatican for all the special services conducted by Pope Benedict!
Father Guido

My girlfriend wanted breast implants; but since I work for Sysco we could not afford them. My manager suggested Fry On, since it worked great for his wife when she wanted bigger globes also. Last Friday night I injected my gals fun bags with Fry on and sealed up the holes with some Sysco Imperial Salad Dressing. Man, what a party we had that night. My gal has more confidence and I'm the envy of all my friends. God bless you Sysco Fry On!!! When I leave Sysco to make some real money, I'll have the Fry On implamnts removed and upgrade to silicon!!!

re:  FRY-ON:  "Evangelist Benny Hinn paid a visit to U.S Wixom last week and brought a couple of cases of Fry-On with him...In no time at all, all our employees that have been putting up with a lot of pain were ministered to by Hinn...Marty Boatman even showed up to get his miracle. It was quite simple, a little drink of Fry-On healed everyone who was hindered by diabetes, sore backs, male PMS and the like...Don Jesse has not filed a grievance since his miracle blessing. Chris Moore has returned to work and also works 2 of his days off. I was a bit sketchy of the miracle power of not only Benny Hinn but also the healing powers of Fry-On...No longer!!! Even John Silvi quit smoking after his miracle blessing by Hinn/Fry-On. Now if you will excuse me, I'm off to the revival this evening. I heard from a reliable source that Jim Miller will be speaking at the revival; coming clean and giving his testimony. Thank you Fry-On, Wixom USF is back on the map and production is skyrocketing.
SQUOZ"

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